Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: Good morning. Good morning. I got to go first.
I'm Sherry Newcomb here from Collab Works.
[00:00:07] Speaker B: This morning and I'm Andrea Wilson. And today we're talking about self talk. Self talk. It's a big one.
[00:00:16] Speaker A: Yes, it is. Hopefully we all do it every single day, multiple times a day.
[00:00:22] Speaker B: Well, I think we probably all do.
Hopefully we all talk in a positive way to ourselves, but I think that many times we talk in negative ways to ourself. And so that's what we're going to try to break down today. Let's think about it.
We decided that was our new button for today.
[00:00:45] Speaker A: That's right.
[00:00:45] Speaker B: We're thinking about it anytime we think about it. And I may have to think through some of this because I'm going to try to actively listen today, too. Sometimes when we're doing the show, I'm trying to think while you're talking. Like I'm going to try to stay actively engaged. So I might actually have to pause and think about something.
[00:01:02] Speaker A: See, while she's talking, I'm doing the thinking. So I'm not just a deer trapped in the headlights. I'm thinking she's talking faster than I could think.
[00:01:11] Speaker B: So now we're both going to do active listening while we talk about our self talk. So let's just get into it. Sherry, I know that you get up in the mornings and you spend a great deal of time pouring into, we always say pouring into ourselves here in our office because we've worked on that for a couple years now.
[00:01:28] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:01:30] Speaker B: So what do you, what do you do in the mornings? Do you have like a routine you go through? Well, tell us. I want to know.
[00:01:37] Speaker A: I do have a routine. I set my alarm for 5am and my alarm goes off on my phone and when it goes off on my phone, it makes some kind of little buzz or whatever. But the name of my alarm is Good morning, Early bird.
So there's a little bit of self talk to me. And then so when I, when I wake up, I don't immediately like, hop out of the bed. I think just a little bit. I'm thankful that, hey, you made it through the night. You're waking up again this morning. That that means that there's purpose for you. And, and I'm always very thankful that there's purpose for me that next morning.
[00:02:14] Speaker B: Yeah, I love the gratitude in the mornings. That's really awesome.
[00:02:17] Speaker A: Thank you. So, and then the next thing I have is kind of silly, but I like it is I have my little sidekick on the, on the bed or on, you know, my backup alarm, which. My backup alarm is set for 505.
[00:02:33] Speaker B: When you said sidekick, I thought you were going to talk about something like this.
[00:02:37] Speaker A: No, it's. It's not that. It's not that. It's.
[00:02:41] Speaker B: Why did you bring this in?
[00:02:43] Speaker A: Because I. I like chapsticks and soaps and stuff like that. When you spend a certain amount of dollars, you get an alpaca.
[00:02:50] Speaker B: Oh.
[00:02:50] Speaker A: And it's really chapstick.
Okay, back to the subject. Back to the subject. Okay. So then I set my. I set my Alexa at 505 and I've got a particular song that I wake up to every morning. And the name of that song is Good Morning by Mandisa and Toby Mack. And I'll listen to it, you know, sometimes two times through before I actually get out of the bed. Then I finally get out of the bed about a quarter after five and I put on my exercise clothes and I go and I do, I do some, some form of exercise for about 30 to 45 minutes every day before I go and grab my coffee about.
[00:03:30] Speaker B: So you let your brain gear up, then you engage in some physical activity for your body.
[00:03:36] Speaker A: Agree.
[00:03:37] Speaker B: And then what do we do?
[00:03:39] Speaker A: I refuel just a little bit with some coffee. I do love to have my coffee every morning. So I have my coffee from about 6 to 6:30 when I sit and I, I sit, I get me an affirmation for the day and I look at it and then I also get a Bible verse every single day. And I look at the Bible verse and my affirmation and I try to see like, what's the similarity, because they're coming. They are AI generated from two different apps. But I always think it is so neat that there are two different unrelated sources, but somehow they always, they intermingle. And I take that as some guidance in the morning.
[00:04:24] Speaker B: So it's like food and you're taking that nourishment and then kind of digesting it and figuring out how you use it for good for the day.
[00:04:32] Speaker A: I do that. Yes. So get those written down and look at those and kind of think about those for a second. Then I grab my work calendar and see what have I got going on for the day. What are, what are some priorities that will, you know, make me feel fulfilled, satisfied, accomplished.
[00:04:51] Speaker B: One or two things that you can.
[00:04:52] Speaker A: Accomplish, one or two things that I can accomplish and get through with today. And then I pick me one or two words just that will set my intentions, my emotions, things like that for the day. Uh, today's word was curious and just kind of trying to approach things with curiosity and with questions and things like that. So as, as I get into my day and I got some work on.
[00:05:23] Speaker B: My, on my schedule, almost hit the thinking button because I was thinking, thank you.
[00:05:29] Speaker A: So I set those words and then I come into the office and I. And I look at, you know, again. Look at my work again and try to.
[00:05:35] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:05:36] Speaker A: One of my very first ones that I had was I've. I've got a tax return I'm working on and they hit me with a question of like, that's kind of unusual.
I. I see what they want from it, but where does this stand?
[00:05:51] Speaker B: Right. So what would that be like if you didn't get up? So this is a big routine that you do in the mornings, you know, and I'm sure there were. Was a time when you weren't getting up and doing that or, you know, so what would that look like if you didn't do this routine in the mornings and you came in and started trying to just immediately go to work or if instead of doing things that were positive and good, healthy ways to kind of pump yourself up almost like an athlete, like I can, you know, that's getting ready for a race and come into the office and deal with a lot of brain work that can be very, very stressful. What would that look like for you in a day?
[00:06:36] Speaker A: Oh, let me tell you, I've. I've already been there and loved that.
And my, my description of that was living the life of shampoo, rinse and repeat. It was like every single day. Shampoo, rinse, repeat, shampoo rinse, repeat. Nothing new.
So, yeah, been there, done that. I'm ready to.
[00:06:58] Speaker B: Yeah. So your routine has kind of changed your, I guess the way that you go through your day and work through your day and it sounds like you have a lot of really good positive self talk that's built in in different ways throughout whether, you know, just. Just from waking up and laying in the bed for a minute, listening to your song, then going into your workout and your affirmations. And so it's just all really, really positive. And there's so much that everyone can learn from that because, you know, there's. I think a lot of people think there's a lot of foo foo involved and you know, like pseudo science. But Sherry, that stuff is real.
[00:07:42] Speaker A: It is real. It definitely is real.
[00:07:44] Speaker B: And if you try to start your day without it. I was having a discussion with someone else on the team one day. We've Been doing some exercises and we were just talking about waking up in the mornings and jumping into the day without doing anything for yourself. Or, you know, maybe you wake up late and you're just kind of on to yourself. Like, I always do this. I always wake up late. And you know, those are, those are coming from negative places.
[00:08:09] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:08:10] Speaker B: But anyway, this conversation we were having, I said, you know, the brain is a lot like a, like a sports car or something. You wouldn't just jump in it and turn it on and take off. You've got to let that warm up. And there's other things that you do to care for that type of car for, you know, like a sports type car that you wouldn't do for other things. And our brain is like that. I mean, it, it function, it does all these things for us. And, and so to think that we don't have to put in, you know, oil or care for that, for that machine is kind of crazy if you, if you think about that.
[00:08:52] Speaker A: It really is.
[00:08:53] Speaker B: Yeah. So just, you know, talking about like self talk, it can be positive or negative, it can be conscious or self conscious.
And those things, depending on what we do in the mornings, pours out through our day.
[00:09:09] Speaker A: It does.
[00:09:10] Speaker B: Yeah, it does. So do you feel like you're a lot more powerful through your day and you handle those stressful situations better when you get up and have that full morning of your routine?
[00:09:23] Speaker A: I definitely feel more confident about things and ready to face it.
[00:09:29] Speaker B: So when you were in your shampoo, rinse, repeat stage, what did that feel like at the end of the day?
[00:09:37] Speaker A: Oh, it was, it felt just like that face just looked.
[00:09:41] Speaker B: Yeah. And I feel like a lot of businesses and business owners might feel that way. Like you just kind of get up and go through the motions every day. But the part that might be missing is you do need to take time to spend with yourself and reminding yourself that you're here for a purpose. We're all here for a purpose.
And that that purpose is, you know, it's great no matter if you think it's small or not. Like we're all important.
[00:10:16] Speaker A: It was a purpose. The way I think about it. And something. This is what I had written this morning. You know, I mean, we are definitely different people.
There's not another. We're, we're all, you know, we're snowflakes, we're all unicorns. There's not another person like us here on this planet right now. And there are billions and billions and billions of people on this planet. And we were all created Uniquely different, with a special gift that the whole world needs to see. That's a quote from one of our little. One of our authors that we, that we follow.
So I really keep that in mind. That I am that special. Yeah, not in a prideful, in a. In an egotistical way, but I really am that special. I do have special gifts and special things that no one else out there in this world has to offer.
[00:11:09] Speaker B: Right. That's right. And you know, I think this, that self talk is not something that you just learn. And then once you get there and you say these wonderful things to yourself or know what you need, even though you go through the day and you get to the end of the day and you feel a real difference after you are good to yourself, there's still days you wake up and you're mean to yourself.
[00:11:34] Speaker A: There are.
[00:11:35] Speaker B: We forget, you know, and so it is a constant state of practice and recognition that we are our own hardest and meanest critics. And I always like to say, like to myself, this is something I tell myself when I start being really hard on myself or critical. First of all, usually that's coming from something else I'm seeing. Social media is a major player in that. I think I. I turn on my social media, I see things, they deflate me, or it just makes me start to question, am I good enough? Am I smart enough? Can I do these things that I think I can do?
And then I have to remind myself, like, why, why would I be so critical and harsh to myself? Because I wouldn't be that way to you, Sherry.
[00:12:32] Speaker A: No, no, you know, I know you wouldn't be that way. You've never been that way to me.
[00:12:36] Speaker B: And I've never been that way to anyone as far as I know that has, you know, come to me. And I've tried to help them maybe see through some different eyes. So. But. But the point of that is, is I'm really quick to be bad to myself. And so now my self talk is, is wait, Andrea, hold on. You wouldn't be this way to anyone else. You would be encouraging, you would be positive. You would find the silver linings. So you need to do that for yourself. And that's the conversation I have a lot because I am pretty hard on myself. And I have days that I'm. I feel like I can just conquer the world. I get up, I do all the good things like you're talking about, and still something can hit me, you know, because that's all emotion. I have emotional responses. I'm a highly emotionally Responsive.
But where did my word go?
[00:13:38] Speaker A: I don't.
Oh, look, I found it. You're not as highly emotional and responsive as I am.
[00:13:47] Speaker B: I am emotionally reactive. That's what I'm trying to say. And so I have to actively practice being good to myself. And I think that's what we want to tell you guys is as people first. Always as people first.
And as business owners trying to do something great in the world. And you know that that's your purpose because God wouldn't have put that thought in your mind or let you even see that vision if you weren't able to do it.
Is quit being so hard on yourself and learn to be better.
And Sher, you may have something to add to that, because I know you. You do a lot. You actually probably do more of this practice than I do of just being good to your, you know, like, really internalizing and starting your day that way.
But for me, what I would say is, is that's been really, really powerful to say. How would I talk to someone else? And I can real quickly change how mean I'm being to myself and how critical I'm being by just saying, okay, that's not acceptable. I wouldn't do this for any. I wouldn't say this to anyone else. I wouldn't be this harsh on them. So I'm not going to.
[00:15:06] Speaker A: With me, I don't think I'm at that point where you are yet. I'm still working on myself that well. I don't know how. I don't know if I missed your question.
[00:15:17] Speaker B: What? Well, okay, so the question is, let me back up so. Because I know it's hard, especially when we're recording and I put you on the spot. It's hard for me too, when you do that. That to me. But what I'm saying is, like, if you have a day where you're being a little rough on yourself or just.
And maybe you're not, you're. Because you kind of are like one of the most positive people I know. But I. I can't believe that you don't ever have a difficult day. So I think my question is, how do you change that? What do you do?
[00:15:51] Speaker A: Sometimes I just have to let it be.
Sometimes you just have rough days and you just have to let them be. But those rough days do not define who you are.
[00:16:02] Speaker B: So you don't let that negative self talk feed into.
[00:16:07] Speaker A: I have in the past. I mean, like, I had a. This past. This past weekend. By the by, about Sunday, when Sunday morning rolled around, I Was like I'm kind of done for and I need to be getting refueled for the week but I'm kind of having a day, you know. So when I was sitting there and thinking for the, you know. You know, for a moment I forgot exactly what my word was that I picked that day. But I just, I just chose to have peace and contentment and stillness in that moment and just let things be. And it ended up being a good day.
[00:16:43] Speaker B: Yeah. So that's what I'm trying to get. So peace and contentment and stillness, is that your go to?
[00:16:51] Speaker A: Yes, contentment. I try to do that. That's trying to be a go to gratitude and I try to go to that a lot because we're. You talk about the race cars. We're not meant to live 90 to nothing for our whole lives.
[00:17:05] Speaker B: No.
[00:17:05] Speaker A: We've got to stop ever so often and be a little. Be a little stiller.
[00:17:11] Speaker B: Right. And I think it's always okay in your self talk to not always be perfect in self talk because we all get down, we all have low moments. But I think the takeaway is don't be harsh, don't be mean, don't say something to yourself that you wouldn't say to your friend.
Right.
[00:17:38] Speaker A: Exactly. Yes.
[00:17:40] Speaker B: So.
So yeah, so that's self talk. And then so if we're applying it to like business owners or someone that's trying to work on their purpose, like they, they're feeling like they need a change or they're trying to just reach for that North Star I would call it the thing that's called. That's kind of calling at your heart. And you know that if you can get there, you will have reached your purpose.
I think consistency, that's. And then we kind of talked about that, that consistency is key.
[00:18:16] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:18:16] Speaker B: Because motivation is based on emotions. And so if you are having an emotional day. So you're not your, you're not your perfect self. You maybe didn't even get all of your routine in that morning. Sherry, does that ever happen?
You always get your full routine in.
[00:18:36] Speaker A: That's why I'm late for work a lot of days is cuz. Yeah, I do. I get my full routine in.
[00:18:42] Speaker B: Okay. So.
[00:18:42] Speaker A: I know, I know I work really long days and I've got to take care of me for first. So.
[00:18:47] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. So I need a little ladies.
[00:18:49] Speaker A: That's why I'm late rolling into the office a lot of days.
[00:18:52] Speaker B: That commitment so me first. But. Right. So. And the. So your commitment is so strong and so you have consistency There. And consistency is key. And I think that's one of the greatest takeaways that we'll share today is motivation is based on how you feel. That is an emotional response to how you feel. So there's things in your external world with your family, your kids, your husband, your parents, whoever, maybe just friends, maybe you have some emotional vampires. You know, I got stuck on that a year. Well, I don't know, it's probably been longer than a year ago about emotional vampires when I learned, oh my gosh, there's actually a term for, you know, people that kind of suck that energy out of you. But anyway, so there's all these things that can take away motivation.
So if you're basing reaching your purpose and working on your personal success story, if you're basing that on how you feel every day and whether or not you're motivated to do the work, to do the things that you know you need to do, you're gonna fail.
So, and when I was thinking about this, I was thinking, well, so when I'm anxious, my anxiety lies to me, first of all. And it tells me all that's where a lot of that negative self talk for me personally comes from, is anxiety.
And I'm a high energy person. I naturally have a lot of anxiety that goes along with it. I try to use that anxiety in a smart way.
But that anxiety, especially when I'm. When I'm leaning into the lies, like, I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough. I thought I was yesterday, Sherry, and I started all this and today I can't do it. You know, when I am leaning into that anxiety, then that is affecting my motivation for the day.
And then if I don't do the work, if I don't do the things I know I need to do in that day, then I'm failing at getting a little bit closer to what I believe is my purpose, what I believe is my success story, and what I believe God has put on my heart to do.
So the key here's the secret, is consistency. And that's why you're so very successful, Sherry, every day of how you've been able to come into the office and deal with a very high stress environment and a lot of brain work. And you just come in with this beautiful smile and this wonderful I can do it attitude, and you just go through the day. And sometimes I just look at you and I think, oh, my gosh, that, that, you know, is what I wish that we could just like, give people gifts of.
But the secret to that is your consistency. Because I know you can't wake up every single morning and be completely motivated to do it. There's got to be mornings you wake up and you don't, you just don't want to. You don't feel like it, you're just kind of not your best self, but you do it anyway. You do the work anyway.
[00:22:25] Speaker A: I try to do the work anyway.
[00:22:26] Speaker B: And that's, that's what makes you successful.
[00:22:31] Speaker A: Thank you.
[00:22:31] Speaker B: You're welcome.
[00:22:33] Speaker A: So where do we come from here? Well, let's think about a word. I want to think about a word that I've heard you use here, just in this conversation.
Okay.
Okay. Fail.
I've heard you say that word over and over. You've not failed. You've just stumped your toe on an obstacle.
Doesn't that sound so much better? Fail sounds so permanent. I don't want that word anymore. Can we get rid of it?
[00:23:07] Speaker B: Are we going to put it on our list of words that we don't want to use that we just.
[00:23:12] Speaker A: I would like to replace it with I stumped my toe on an obstacle.
[00:23:16] Speaker B: So when I, I do use the word failed a lot. You.
[00:23:20] Speaker A: You do? I've heard it so many times in this, this little few minutes.
[00:23:24] Speaker B: For me, I think when I use the word failed, it's a motivator. I. So if, if I'm using the word failed, it doesn't stop me. It just makes me go a different way. Like I know that that was. I was maybe on the wrong road or the wrong path or maybe I just didn't have the right mental preparedness. I failed just, just at that leg of the journey. So I just back up and move on. But yeah, if you want to get rid of failed, we can. You're probably going to have to remind me quite often.
[00:23:54] Speaker A: Oh, I can't wait because I'm going to tell you. You stumped your toe on an obstacle. You. You hung your toe, your pinky toe on the coffee table. See, didn't that so much better?
[00:24:04] Speaker B: No, no. Cuz hanging my pinky toe on the coffee table sounds like the worst thing in the world. That sounds worse than failure to me. Oh no, but failure in a sense of. So my definition of failure is probably much different than someone else's definition of failure. I just mean that I. Because I am a fighter, you know, I just going to get up and I'm going to keep going. I'm going to change my direction a little bit, you know, whatever that means. And I might do Something completely different. But usually it's. It's the same. It's just that I just chose a different route because I hit some dead end. But that. That comes, Sherry, from being a creator. So I'm not following anyone else's wheel. Most of the time I'm creating my own. And it. And it does.
If I use the. The word failure in the sense of, like that, it's terminal, it's done, it's over, and that's it. I'd be in big trouble. I just use it in the sense of that failed. Now I'm going back to the drawing board and I'll do something else. So I'm gonna work on it. I'll work on getting a different word to put in there. Thanks.
[00:25:13] Speaker A: So there's our change.
[00:25:16] Speaker B: Change. That'll be my change.
[00:25:17] Speaker A: That's your change.
Consistency, commitment.
[00:25:21] Speaker B: So you got to change the way you're thinking. If you're being mean to yourself, do the opposite and be nice to yourself.
And you have to commit to that. And that means it's not going to be easy. So you have to think about it. It's not. It's not going to be natural. The natural thing is probably going to be what you've been doing, which is probably not the best, especially if you're a creator, if you're an entrepreneur, you know, if you're trying to do something new, it's hard, it's difficult, but you've got to make that commitment. And then that commitment has the lead to consistency. And that means not based on. On whether or not you're motivated that day, but do what you know you need to do and be consistent. Write it down. Sherry, you're. You're a huge. That you write everything down.
[00:26:17] Speaker A: I try to, yeah.
[00:26:18] Speaker B: Because you. When you write it down, you bring it into the physical world and it becomes real.
So write it down. Whatever it is you're going to do, whatever you know, you need to do to get your business off the ground, to follow your purpose, to get closer to that North Star that you're looking at, so that you, you know, you find something that's fulfilling to you, write it down and do it. And look at that daily. And don't let motivation be your guide, because you're going to have bad days. There's just no way around it. There's too many things in our environment. And just with us as humans, I mean, our brain, that machine, it just sometimes, you know, the chemicals we, you know, build up of cortisol, which is a stress hormone that creates anxiety. We can't control all of that, but we can control how we react to that. We can be consistent.
So that's my hope for all the business entrepreneurs out there and just people being humans, do what you love. Love what you do. Be kind. Be super kind to yourself. Be kinder to yourself than you are to anyone else.
[00:27:35] Speaker A: True.
[00:27:36] Speaker B: Right? Because that's going to help your confidence and the way that you feel that all. It all rolls in. They're not separate. They're all connected. So be kind to yourself and just do the work. Do the work. Especially when you don't want to do the work.
Those hard times, they're meaningful. Okay, that's what I have for today, Sherry.
[00:27:58] Speaker A: Okay. All right, then.
[00:28:00] Speaker B: All right.
[00:28:01] Speaker A: So next week we are Energize me. I cannot wait.
[00:28:06] Speaker B: I know that's going to be a fun one, energizing me. So we're going to teach people because motivation and consistency what goes right along with that energy.
So, yeah, we're going to Positive Vibes.
So next week, join us and we'll talk about how to energize yourself and go a lot further.
